IELTS graph 297 - Honey production and honey producing colonies - America

IELTS Academic Writing Task 1/ Graph Writing - Bar Chart /Column Graph:

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The bar charts below provide information about honey production and honey producing colonies in the five American states in 2006.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

You should write at least 150 words.

Honey producing colonies in the five American states

Honey production in million pounds in the five American states

Model Answer:
The diagrams delineate how many bee hives were there in five US states in 2006 and how much honey these states assembled in the same year. As a general trend, the higher the number of honey-yielding bee colonies in a state, the higher honey it produced and North Dakota was on the top of the list while Wisconsin on the bottom.

It is conspicuous that North Dakota had the highest bee colonies in 2006 which accounted for 350 thousand. From these swarm hives, this state collected the highest amount of honey, over 25 million pounds. Interestingly, South Dakota had the second largest number of bee colonies, roughly 225 thousand but its honey production was somewhat similar to that of Montana and Minnesota, each of which had approximately 130 thousand beehives. Wisconsin state had just over 50 thousand bee colonies, the lowest among the given states, and its honey production was the least as well, somewhat more than 5 million pounds.

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+1 # Parul Bissa 2019-03-05 16:11
This is my first try to write any graph, I need your genuine reviews.

The combination of given two bar graphs enumerates data about the number of bee colonies and honey production in 5 different American states measured in thousands and millions of pounds respectively. The samples are collected and analyzed for the year 2006. As is observed North Dakota had the highest number of bee colonies and produced the most honey in 2006. Moreover, honey production was correlated to the number of bee colonies in each state except for South Dakota - the more the colonies the more the production.

At a cursory glance, it is observed that North Dakota alone had 350 thousand bee colonies in 2006. The number of bee colonies was nearly half in Montana and Minnesota than that of North Dakota, whereas Wisconsin had the lowest number of these (just over 50 thousand). Finally, South Dakota with its nearly 220 thousand bee colonies stood the second position in the list.

Now considering the honey production, the largest manufacturer of honey was North Dakota with its 26 million pound honey production. On the contrary, Wisconsin did not make a considerable effect on the markets. The remaining three American states - South Dakota, Montana and Minnesota, produced somewhat 10 million pounds of honey, which was less than half of the honey production in North Dakota in 2006.
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0 # IELTS Mentor 2019-03-06 14:53
Dear Parul,

We are really glad that you have shared your writing sample with us. As you can notice, we have modified your sample answer to make it more useful to others.

Two other contributors have already mentioned important tips and we would like to add that you need to mention some figures and numbers to show the changing trends and data comparison. In your original writing, you did not mention the number of beehives and the amount of honey production. You DO NOT need to mention every single number and amount, but not mentioning any number and figure at all is not recommended.

Best wishes from us. Take care and have a great day.

N.B. Your original writing secured 5.5 band score in our assessment.
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0 # Flora 2019-03-05 18:34
Hi Parul Bissa,

Thank you for sharing your sample answer. In my opinion, it's a band 6.5 level answer. To enhance your score, you need to use more synonyms. You have used 'bee colonies' several times. You could have used bee hives instead!

Also, you did not mention that honey production was somewhat related to the number of bee colonies except in South Dakota.

However, as the first-timer, your effort was impressive. Carry on!
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0 # Manickam 2019-03-05 16:29
Your first attempt is not bad. However, you have to use some synonyms and introduce more sentence variation to secure a band score of 7.0+.
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0 # Parul 2019-03-05 16:55
Highly appreciate your valuable comment Manickam. Thank you, I am working on improving it. Good day!
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