IELTS Essay 1166 - Some countries include a relatively large number of young adults

IELTS Writing Task 2/ IELTS Essay:

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic.

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh its disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

You should write at least 250 words.

Sample Answer:
The proportion of elderly people in some countries, like Japan, is considerably higher while in some other regions, including some Asian and Western countries, young people comprise the highest percentage of the total population. Having a larger proportion of youth is considered to have more advantages for a country, and I think that a country should have more active youths for faster development.

To begin with, the young generation is dynamic, energetic, and can contribute to the job sector which has a huge positive impact on the economic development of the country. They come with fresh ideas and are free from old superstitions and traditional beliefs. It gives them a competitive advantage. The educated young generation is the best resource a country can have, and their contribution to the country is significantly higher than the participation of children and elder people. The contribution of the older people, however, could not be denied and they have already done their part for reforming the country. They have vast experience and wisdom that are vital for decision making. They are often considered a better fit for the decision-making positions.

Moreover, children are the future of a country, and the elderly have already played their roles. On the contrary, the young generation is the active workforce and can lead to the overall growth of the country. They are active citizens in society while children and senior peoples are dependent on others. The young generation can learn things faster and can share ideas, and this is why they are better leaders. The ICT sector, for instance, is full of fresh minds and is globally led by young minds. The ICT sector is considered to be the most prominent sector for the development of a country, especially in this technological era, and it highlights the importance of young and fresh minds over elder people in a country.

To conclude, older people should not be considered a burden for the country, however, the young have more to contribute to society and the country as a whole. This is why it is more beneficial for a country to have an active workforce than dependent senior citizens.

1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 Rating 4.04 (45 Votes)

Former IELTS Examiner
This essay has such annoying basic grammatical mistakes, particularly with ''articles''.. it uses (the) so many times mistakenly! The 2 body paragraphs are not balanced at all, which is critically damaging TA. Also, many sentences are used as ''filling expressions''. When you feel like a sentence would not serve the main idea, omit it! I have a feeling that this candidate can write much better essays than this one, and this can be seen due to the wide range of vocabulary he uses besides his/her good command on cohesion.TA: 6CC: 8LR: 8GRA: 6OVERALL: 7
Md Tanim Bin Zaman
It gave quite a vivid explanation of putting the younger generation in favour, at the same time couldn't deny the contribution of the older generation. As a whole, I think there is always an urgency to give away the places for younger generation for better and brighter development of a country.
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